The "Nothing Box"

Recently, my family and I were watching a comedian talk about the "nothing box".

One day his wife asked him: "So, what are you thinking about?" and he replied: "Nothing". "No, really," she persisted, finding his answer unreasonable, "what are you thinking about?" "Really, nothing," he answered.

He then continued on in his monologue describing the "nothing box", claiming that, for men, it is an absolutely valid place in the mind. They'll be staring off into space when someone will ask what they're thinking, bringing them out of their stuporous state of mental oblivion.

Of course it's only ever women that ask, because other men are already in that vacant "nothing box" and would never think so far out of it as to wonder what another man might be thinking.

At this point in the comedian's routine, my husband burst out in laughter, thinking it was the funniest thing in the world.

"That's so true!" he claimed, to which my youngest son enthusiastically concurred. "We really do just think of nothing sometimes.

I looked at them and just sort of blinked. Something like a "nothing box" wouldn't begin to exist in my world.

I think about everything!

Today, as I was weeding and mulching the garden, my brain never stopped for a nanosecond. I thought about the quality of the mulch and the purposes behind it and when we were going to make more and how long it would take to dry and how long it would keep everything beneath it moist and how my maple saplings appear to actually like their environment drier than the other plants and if it was really wise to have mulch on them at all and if they would dry out too quickly without it... etc...

While this was all going through my head seemingly at once, I noticed several birds singing in the trees and began wondering about why birds have such different songs, how their songs differ from region to region, kind of like people's accents. Why is that? During the tower of Babel, did their languages get confused as well? What if they all sang the same song? Admittedly, that would be a bit boring. How do they know to sing the same song according to their breeds in the first place?

About then I noticed an Oriole in one of the trees over the garden. My mind jumped to another topic. I wonder why Orioles are orange and black? I don't like the color orange, or black for that matter, but on an Oriole they look AMAZING! Why is it so attractive on an Oriole?

While having all these bird thoughts, I'm simultaneously assessing the ripeness of the strawberries in the garden and wondering how many I'll be able to harvest (and eat) while wondering what the unripe white strawberries taste like (like strawberries), how they came up with a real white strawberry variety, all while sorting through which weeds should be pulled and which plants should stay, throwing a cat out of the way, then back to wondering why God made weeds, wondering why they grow so differently from each other, as I look around at my other beds and admire their virtuous crops and then notice some goose poop and wonder if geese really do poop ever 5 minutes as they say... and why would a goose poop that often anyway?

All of these thoughts, and a gazillion others pass through my mind during any random 60-90 seconds of time.

I might look over at my garlic, remember that it's "Pioneer Garlic", and go on thinking about the Pioneers, how they survived on the trail. For instance, how did they feed their oxen and horses? And what did they do while they were walking and walking and walking and had to go to the bathroom? Surely, there weren't just vacant bushes all along the trail? What did they use for toilet paper? How did they find the privacy for such a thing? At about this point, I pause in my weeding to look heavenward and thank God for flushing toilets and two ply, super soft t.p.!

A "Nothing Box" seems like a virtual impossibility to me.

My mind is going all the time... even when I'm trying to sleep. I might wake up wondering if I started the dishwasher, or locked the front door... or if I remembered to say my prayers... or if I fell asleep during them. Whenever I roll over, I'm wondering about something, or musing or thinking... even in my sleep.

Sometimes, I might even wake up and wonder if I'm crazy. My mother used to say: "Crazy people never think that they're crazy."

That comforts me somewhat, that I'm probably not, simply because I'm wondering if I am. :o) Of course, she told me this (multiple times) because I asked her (multiple times) if I was crazy. Of course, I asked her if I was crazy because people used to tell me that I was. Of course, THEY never wondered if THEY were CRAZY... which only goes to show that they were, right? Ha! Take that, crazy people!

Anyway, back on topic. I suppose I can understand a "nothing box" for someone with an I.Q. of, say, 35... but the guys I know are just far too smart to truly have such a thing.

Take Kamaron, for example. I can't imagine him having a "nothing box" space in his brain at all. If he isn't engaged is listening to music while doing his homework, then he is mentally inventing his own real Iron Man suit, or trying to figure out how he could install a retina scanner on his bedroom door or a fingerprint identifier on the bathroom door... or just possibly, the details to how he might take over the world someday... and what he would do with it after he did.

There's just no way that kid could possibly have a "nothing box".

I'm convinced my husband doesn't really have one as well... which brings up the end question. When I ask him what he's thinking, and he says "Nothing," just WHAT is he REALLY thinking about?

I'm guessing that there's plenty there... he just doesn't want me to know what it is? Why is that? Is it something secret? Or just private? Or is he secretly, privately, thinking something he just doesn't want to fess up to?

So, as a disclaimer, this isn't meant to be a man bashing post, I'm just really wondering how there could honestly be something like a "Nothing Box" in any intelligent person's mind.

If you happen to know... please share.

Can I just say?

Can I just say that I hate change!

Well, maybe not all change.

Some of it is fun and cheering.

Some of it is peaceful and comforting.

Some of it is exciting and exhilarating.

However... it's 2am...

I can't sleep...

and this change just sucks!

Can I just say that?

Okay... just sayin'.

School's Out Forever

Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel bursting with happiness, full of gratitude, to the point that you want to list off every little thing you can think of that is an acknowledged blessing in your life? That's how I feel today.

I felt that way yesterday too, though I didn't notice it when I woke up. Actually, it was about half way through the day, while working outside with my little saplings (I think we're up to 600+ now). It was very warm, but I was mostly in the shade and a gentle wind was keeping things comfortable. The birds were singing in the trees all around me... in fact, there were so many different songs, I couldn't begin to count the varying breeds.

Suddenly, I felt seized upon with joy.

"I'm SO lucky!" I announced to the horses and my garden and any living thing around me that might listen... it's just how I felt.

I have allergies at this time of year, starting with tree season in March and not ending until grass season is over in July. However, thanks to the marvels of modern medicine which control said tree allergies, I can still enjoy the outdoors until about mid-May. I still can't go out from mid-May until the end of June, but in some ways it gives me the perfect reason to stay indoors during that time and write, working on my books... like a natural built in schedule.

I love trees and birds and pastures and clouds in the sky and I constantly feel utterly lucky that I get to live in a place surrounded by these things!

I've lived in a lot of different places and circumstances in my life, conglomerate apartments from inner city metropolises, middle class neighborhoods, high rise condos and ancient country hovels. Some of those places have been full of adventure and excitement, while others were filled with abuse, fear and despair. Just thinking back over some of them is enough to sink my spirit, but for right now I have to admit to myself that, of all the places in the world that I've seen, this one is the most beautiful, the most peaceful and, by far, the most pleasant of them all... I am lucky to be here, to see and feel and to take it all in.

Especially now, when spring is everywhere! The trees and fields are blinding green! Life is good! My husband is gainfully employed in a job that he loves. Too many times over the past 29 years, that hasn't been the case. I'm so happy that he loves his job and that it loves him back! How amazingly lucky it is to find a job you truly love. The sunshine seems just a little bit brighter and those moments between jubilant paydays are a whole lot more pleasant.

I'm thankful beyond belief for air conditioning during the heat of summer, for the electric grid that keeps it running and for my husband's job which pays the bill.

I'm thankful for the new life of Spring... for the baby chicks, the cool nights and mostly temperate days, for the swirly white clouds high in the sky, the blue light of morning, yellow sunshine of day and the crimson and orange glow of sunset touching gold to the tops of the forest foliage.

Amazing!

I'm thankful for running water, hot and cold, for flushing toilets, for toilet paper(!), for showers and washers and dryers and dishwashers and refrigerators and pantries full of food.

I'm thankful for grocery stores and post offices and email and all of those daily conveniences that make our lives so much easier.

I'm thankful for afternoon breezes and thunderstorms, that nature is kind enough to water my farm for me on a regular basis, that we can grow crops to help feed the world and hay for the animals... the horses, and the cows.

I'm thankful that most of our cars are running reliably.

I'm thankful that Clarke, Caro, Sophie and Claire have moved so much closer to home, that Barry is home from his mission and that Savannah only has one more required class until she graduates from college.

I'm thankful for my books. There are 9 of them now, either completed or in some stage of creation or editing. That process of dreaming up stories and putting them on paper has been one of the funnest things I've ever done and I'm happy for the hours of entertainment it still brings.

Today, I'm thankful to be old enough to have garnered wisdom from life, but still young enough to move and live.

I'm thankful that Kamaron has his first job and is learning the virtues of honest, hard labor.

Secretly, I'm also thankful that he hasn't quite finished his final three courses of high school yet. It means that I can still be the "mom", I can still do home school... for those last few precious weeks left. It means that I don't have to completely let go of that happy role which has defined my life for that past 26 years... yet.

I've loved being a mother and feel so lucky to have four such beautiful and amazing kids!

Kids are amazing. I am so Lucky!

Speaking of which, I'm thankful for those little toddlers on Sunday, our nursery children, who smile at me and make my life so happy for 2 hours each week... they rescue me from the fidgety torture of Sunday School and Relief Society. Thank you little guys, for sharing snacks with me, for letting me take my shoes off with you and for sharing all the good times of making crafts and running amok, swinging in blankets and singing songs when I would otherwise be suffering through a bun-numbing 2 hours of classes that I've heard a bazillion times over. Not to say that church is bad, but it's always been hard to sit so still for hours on end... I understand your pain in this and am SO thankful for the diversion you bring.

I'm thankful for the swallows nesting in the barn, flying so gracefully past my windows and eating every flying insect they can find! Go Swallows!

Today, I am just happy - for all of the good things in my life, in my neighborhood and in the world. While I know it isn't pleasant in a lot of places out there... here, right now, it is perfect!

Not to sound cynical, but another thing I'm thankful for is that seminary is Over.

You know that song they used to always play on the radio at the end of the school year: "School's out for Summer!" Each year the speakers would blare it across the courts and the band would sing about "no more teachers, no more lectures". It brought with it, for me at least, a jubilant feeling of Freedom! To my young mind, school was prison and summer was free license to do whatever one wanted, to live without schedule, to have the liberty of prerogative. I was too young and inexperienced to understand that the teachers actually felt the same... perhaps even more. After all, it wasn't the students who were controlling the sound system. Either way, along came that amazing senior year, when the final verses of the song ended with "School's out For-ever!" What a thrill that moment was.

Well, my youngest child just finished his very last year of seminary... which may, or may not, be a happy moment for him. I never heard him complain once about going. In fact, there were many days that he was the one getting me out bed to take him. So, here's to all those mornings of getting up (long before body and mind were rested) of driving any combination of distances, winding through the countryside in snow, rain, ice or fog for 15 or 20 miles, for the kamikaze raccoons or possums we occasionally hit along the way, picking up other children, and for all those thousands of hours waiting for class to end and then repeating the process to get home.

The only thing more exhausting than driving to seminary that I can think of, is having to teach it, which I also did for many years. Can I just say that, while I'm thankful for the moments of learning each of my children has experienced, I'm SO thankful that it is over FOREVER!!! Oh my gosh! I am SO THANKFUL that I can hardly contain it... 12 years of seminary has come to an end... forever.

Nice.

Perhaps, this is the single impetus driving this whole feeling of gratitude lately. For one, I'm getting a full nights sleep for days in a row, rather than pressing through weeks of exhaustion and completely foiled circadian rhythms. Life is amazingly more cheerful when one is fully rested on a regular basis. Being rested means I'm also far more healthy.

Like I said, I'm highly suspecting this has something to do with my recent burst of joy.

Being in this mental place, regardless of it's cause, has just been a really happy thing. I suppose it is a philosophy as old as the ages to acknowledge that when we appreciate the good things in life we're going to be a whole lot happier than if we focus on what is bad or going wrong.

So, just for good measure, today I am grateful for those solid nights of sleep...

...the whole night through...

...making the whole world a happier place!

Go joy!